


Dear Finrod....

by Tethys_resort, Torpi



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Advice Column, Cultural Differences, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Japanese Culture, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Miscommunication, Post Fourth Age, Weird Fluff, Weirdness, tanunki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-26 16:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30108726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tethys_resort/pseuds/Tethys_resort, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torpi/pseuds/Torpi
Summary: Dear Finrod:  An advice column for Elves attempting to navigate the Mortal WorldAdded to by whim!Tags will be updated with additions.
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 25
Kudos: 27





	1. TL;DR  My neighbors keep throwing salt at me, should I be worried?

Dear Finrod,

A few months ago I moved into a new neighborhood. It is a pleasant settlement nestled into the mountains and surrounded by farmland and bamboo. There are quite a few abandoned dwellings so I selected a nice one that didn’t need too much and spent a few days on repair. Mostly Singing the termites out, Singing the trees and garden back to health and doing a little light weeding. 

As soon as I started, my new neighbors started to come to visit! Several stood out on the walk and watched me work. 

One elderly couple even came with incense, “as a little gift”. I was delighted and despite the disrepair of the house, lit a Feanorian lamp and Sang some hot water for tea. My neighbors only stayed a few minutes, they had an urgent appointment in town, but were quite interested in my repairs. They even enquired if more Elves would be joining me in the neighborhood! 

It took a few days more (those shoji panels are terrible to Sing) but I had the dwelling and its garden repaired enough to feel confident of hosting a gathering.

However, my neighbors are now acting quite oddly. Each household is either not home, or very carefully throwing handfuls of salt at my feet before I deliver the invitations! I am not certain if this is a form of Mortal greeting (they smile and accept the invitation anyways) or if I have misinterpreted a social custom. They are friendly folk and keep leaving packets of candy, cookies and soda at my front door. 

My question is this: should I be throwing salt in return? Am I offending my new neighbors with my lack of hospitality? 

Signed,

H

TL;DR My neighbors keep throwing salt at me, should I be worried?


	2. Re: My neighbors keep throwing salt at me, should I be worried?

Happy spreading! I got married recently and it’s ***************************************** nice. It’s nice. Yes, nice is the word. Amarie has amazing******************* and very nice**********.

When I heard where you were living, I immediately searched for the language and culture. I am writing this letter in their own characters, which are very quaint although they need some refinement. Very fun to write though. I am using the writing system from the time they call Nara Jidai, but it must be alright. It’s quite amusing how you can write every sound with more than ten different characters; to keep things interesting I never used the same character twice, not even from the same sound, and I hope I managed to give it a rich subtext as well.

As for your question, my first reaction was of dismay! Surely there must be something wrong to throw salt in people’s faces! And on the ground? Why are they purposefully making the earth barren? I am of a mind and go teach them some manners. 

But then, I reflected a bit on the follies of my youth and my previous errors in communication with the first atani, so I gave up on my hasty uncharitable thoughts and searched for an expert. After arduous searches (and a few rules creatively interpreted) I managed to get hold of a native spirit from that place, a youkai. When I asked him, he asked in turn if you are hurt by the salt. When I answered negatively, he said that what you should do is step on the salt firmly, grind it a bit into the earth (apparently it shows you are not affected and they can trust you). The last step is to approach them slowly, smiling, to show you have not been hurt. 

He also told me that on the second day of the second month there is a masked festival, and if you want to become popular with them, that’s the perfect day! You have to have a mask, dress in loose clothes and go out in town. People will start throwing beans at each other; to make a good impression you have to catch all beans and then return each bean to their owner. It is guaranteed to make you considered one of their own. It will make you popular especially with the children. 

Be careful about the time, though. A friend told me that not too long ago (about 500 years or so), he admired the sakura trees for a couple of seasons, and when he came to, there was a temple next to him and people screaming at the tree he was climbed in.

Apparently he had been squatting on private property and after that people kept asking him for stuff. Popular ones were “Make the crops well”, “make my child well”, “help me get married with my love”, all hard tasks. He finally left when he managed to do something for each of the humans. A child only asked for some candy though, so he left him his dagger. Apparently the kid became a well known smith and he was the only one that my friend kept in contact with.

Incidentally, I also found out from that same youkai that all men have golden balls there (kintama), despite the country having poor resources, according to my sources. Can you check that for me after _setsubun_? If you get fully accepted into their community you might ask without censure, I think. Or, conversely, you might try to find out during outdoor bathing, I heard that it is quite popular among them. Apparently the king has the best balls (tama). It would conclude my fruitless scientific research if you could give me a definitive answer about this. 

With many warm greetings, hoping you will have a wonderful stay in Japan for as long as you live there,

Findárato Arafinwion, called by the first atani, Nóm, Ningen no dachi ya!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy spreading! - Japanese say akeome! Congratulations for the opening (referring to the new year), but Finrod got hold of the equivalent of a Google Translator, and is in full honeymoon bliss so it became something different.
> 
> **** are words deemed inappropriate by the post office.
> 
> The Japanese originally took Chinese hanzi and wrote phonetically in Japanese. They of course, did not use a system, so after a while nobody could read what they wrote, if they used only phonetic spelling.
> 
> Lastly, Finrod translates `Friend of men` in Japanese, again with google translatesque results: ningen is human as species, and dachi is the slang form of friend, he basically says something along the lines of 'the bro of the human race, yo`
> 
> Nara jidai: 710- 794 AD  
> Finrod is using a horribly outdated writing system that virtually almost nobody can read. But since for them a couple hundred years is not a big deal.... h  
> Setsubun: February 2nd is considered the last day of winter, and people (parents now) dress like oni (demons) and are chased out by children throwing beans at them. Suffice to say, the advice is the opposite of what the elf should be doing.
> 
> Kintama: literally gold balls, are the word to designate testicles...yes, Finrod is again somehow fixated on balls....
> 
> Tama are also balls; what he misinterprets is one of the three treasures that consist the regalia of the Japan emperor: the sword Kusanagi no Tsurugi, the magatama jewel and the mirror Yata no Kagami.


	3. TL;DR: Thanks to your advice, my neighbors have adopted me into the neighborhood.

Dear Finrod,

It has been a few months and I wanted to write and thank you for your most gracious advice. I enacted all of your advice precisely as given and thanks to you I am happily settled into this friendly and kind community! 

I immediately went to the next house on my list, the elderly couple who were so kind visiting me before. I gave my brightest smile and stepped firmly on the salt, scuffing my foot through it. They gasped in awe. But then I went to take a step farther and deliver my invitation when I slipped on the salt on the smooth rockery of the porch! I only saved myself from a fall by flapping my arms and grabbing at the gate post. 

It was rather embarrassing but the elderly woman bustled forward calling, “Be careful! Be careful!” patting me and asking if I was injured. 

The three of us sat in the shade of the porch and drank tea from “PET” bottles together while I explained my desire to make friends with the neighborhood. Auntie and Uncle (as they have invited me to call them!) were quite excited when I offered to Sing some of their flowers that have apparently been looking a little bedraggled recently and invited me to come eat dinner with them occasionally and watch something called “Sumo tournaments” that Uncle enjoys. 

My house gathering was a great success, although all my guests insisted that they could sit in the garden and enjoy the very earliest greenery of spring. 

The next day I took the liberty of Singing to the gardens of all the houses on my block. I do love gardening! 

For the second day of the second month, Setsubun, I dressed up my finest party robes from Tirion and a mask. There were so many beans! And children screaming “Go away demons!” It was quite exciting. I did not see any demons or youkai but did my best to catch the beans. It was so much fun! I couldn’t quite catch all of them but those I caught I dutifully returned to the children. The parents seemed a little stunned at my finery but the children were delighted. 

I think that was the final nudge to grant me status as a true citizen of the neighborhood. The neighborhood association leaders arrived the very next morning. 

They wanted to know if I was settling in well and needed anything. The head of the neighborhood association even rather anxiously asked if I would continue to reside in the neighborhood. I assured them I was very happy. They asked if there was anything they could do to make me more comfortable. I told them I had moved in because I was lonely and wished to make friends. 

After some discussion, I am now a member of the retiree’s club. Next month we are going flower viewing, every other weekend has a walking trek, and I have been assured that a hot springs trip is taken every fall when the leaves turn. 

With many thanks,

H

PS – I asked Auntie and Uncle about the superiority of the kintama of Japanese men and they assured me that this was quite true for Men. But, that if you wished to see some truly magnificent kintama you should consult with the tanunki as they are even known to do tricks with theirs! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, our dear writer is now the neighborhood god.
> 
> Tanunki – also known as the Japanese raccoon dog are (along with foxes) known for being shapeshifting tricksters. Only they do a large number of their tricks with their testicles… No, I don’t know why. But if you want a classic movie example, watch Ghibli’s Pom Poko. (Or, if you are brave, try google images.)


End file.
